The idea of echoes intrigue me ... as I consider how God has spoken to me through the years I hear echoes of lessons learned and forgotten in the busyness of the days and the exhaustion of the nights ... and I wonder at my own faithlessness in the shadow of God's amazing faithfulness in my life. As an echo decreases the further it moves away from the source of the original sound, so God's voice has diminished in my life as I have built up the walls around my heart and in essence moved further away from His voice. Since this space is for me (and anyone else who would care to share the journey) to listen to what God is saying to my heart ... I must purposefully dismantle my defenses against God and in humility, trusting in His grace, allow myself to sit with Him again daily. I must choose to trust Him again with everything. Everything. So, here are my thoughts this morning ...
Today dawned warm (for Minnesota in December anyway!) and as I sit here listening to the drip of snow and ice melting off the eves of the house I think that somehow the sound reflects the melting of the ice dam that has been surrounding my heart. As I lean into that thought I am rediscovering a truth I verbalized over and over to my children throughout their growing up years ... the one thing in this world that I truly have control over is my response/attitude to what comes into my life. So today, I choose to embrace where I am right now. I choose to lean into God and open my heart to him to teach me what I need to learn and to remind me of what I used to know but have forgotten somehow.
As I was reading John Kirvan's Silent Hope: Living With the Mystery of God again this morning I began reading about the power of wonderment and radical amazement. Kirvan wrote:
It is wonder and radical amazement that allow God to rise from the ashes, and our soul from half-life. Wonder sees what might be, what could be, despite what has been, what apparently is. Amazement is our willingness, our capacity to be surprised, to be caught off guard by the commonplace circumstances and events of our lives. (p. 43)
I am reminded through my reading in the section entitled Amazement, about Abraham Joshua Heschel that no matter what I have encountered ... others have seen worse. Not diminishing my own pain and suffering, but instead acknowledging that I am not alone soothes my soul. How long has it been since I thoughtfully considered and gave praise to God for all that He has created for my pleasure - the commonplace circumstances and events of my life. How long since I thanked Him for the fingerprints on my walls, the dog hair collecting along the baseboards, and the dishes left unattended in the sink ... these are the signs of life in my home and instead of rejoicing that I am surrounded by those I love, I complain. I allow this evidence of life to control my emotions and leave despair instead of praise. Today, I choose to start looking at this "evidence of life" in a new light! I choose to thank God (while I clean!) for each person in my life and the joy they bring simply by being.
I have a great life. I have a husband who cherishes me, children who honor me, a dog who encourages me to come exercise with him, friends who encourage and uplift me, and a God who loves me and is faithful to me even when I am totally unlovable and unfaithful to Him. I am choosing today to start back on the path of discovering wonder again, purposefully looking for "what might be, what could be, despite what has been, what apparently is" (Kirvan, 2001, p. 43).
Life is good ... hard sometimes ... but good all the time.
Simply me ...